Scientist Develops Super Strand of Cooties, Hopes to Eradicate Childish Criticism by 2019

chemiluminiscence_with_the_scientistDr. Prof. Andre Brant seen here practicing ominousness. 

“This is a game changing breakthrough”, declared yesterday Dr. Prof. Andre Brant, after finishing analyses on his last batch of C0T1, better known is scientific circles as ‘The Super Cooties’. Once released, the airborne C0T1 will specifically target grown-up populations, and is predicted to have spread over 90% of the globe by 2019.

Developed in close collaboration with Cooties expert and consultant Timmy, 6 years old, the C0T1 is the result of 8 years of intense research, costing over 21 million dollars in funding and, clarified Timmy, “A lot of cake. Like, all the cake you can think of but more than that”.

child-1635999_960_720“And then some” – added Dr. Prof. Brant.

Dr. Prof. Brant reported to the Lemon that his motivation was to increase the general public’s trust toward science by silencing childish arguments. “Since very early in my carrier, I have been looking for a fail safe way to negate an opponent’s argument. The super cooties will make sure that they’re it, no mirror,  no backsies, no erasies, and no triple stamping double stamp. Then we can hopefully go back to discussing space exploration.”

At press time, Dr. Prof Brant was asked by the Lemon about his next step, and told us it would “probably be a virus who prevents tall, handsome strangers from randomly popping into your near future”.



Danny Hefer

  Free roaming opinionist, Danny spends his free time roundhouse kicking life in the nuts and doing really weird startup thingies. Even if out of context it does sound kind of gross, Danny is the Lemon's daddy.

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